Journal 116 Back to Work

Let me just say it's been an insane work week thus far, and it's now Thursday morning.
I'm jumping from meetings, to sites, to quotes, to new designs, to more clients, and it's the same across the board as it always is:
everyone wants everything yesterday.

I'm waiting for a co-worker to call me as we are heading to a very early meeting together and did I mention that I've been up, again, since 5:30am? 5:30 am is my new 4 am. It's worse than 4 am though. Because I simply cannot go back to sleep --there's not enough time. So I'm running on 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night this week, after staying up to watch Jon Stewart, breathless with the mess our neighbours south of the border are in.

It's been cloudy for what feels like an eternity, I haven't run in almost two weeks, and I finally had an "a ha" moment this morning (don't laugh at me).

It was that I have one last insane thing left in my life: My full-time job.

And yes, I know many of you out there just said a private "amen to that sister" to yourselves. And yes, I know that the solution is 'just change it'.

But you see, it's not that simple.

It's a small-ish industry.

I'm a paycheque slave.

And let's face it: I am nothing else if not dutiful.

So I sit, fully dressed, coffee in hand, waiting to head to a stressful construction site, then dash to my office for a series of more meetings, more stress, and more 'yesterday' deadlines.

And all I can really do is what I have been doing with some of the other stressful things in my life (ie, finding my mom a place to live and getting her moved in less than a month. And it's all on my sister and me to do this. It's a lot, this parenting your parent, while you work full-time and have to carve out the moments to enjoy what is good in your life).

On the flip side of it all, I uncover my gratitude, my happiness. I leave work on time and come home to Mike. I leave work at work for the most part (most nights when I get home, I give myself fifteen minutes to rant to Mike about the latest ridiculous occurence at my office and then that's it. No more).

So I focus on that. But somehow it still doesn't let me sleep through the night.