On the Sidelines

Last night, a Thursday, I meandered over to my sister's house, post-dinner, to have a drink on her front steps with her, after she'd put her children in bed, and I had endured my long commute home.

We sat on her front steps, at her house, watching the traffic of her urban street wind by, some on foot, with dogs, some in cars, speeding a bit, we remarked, and sipped wine.

A hot, humid night, cicadas droning on, us laughing, talking, and discussing, in funny terms, my recent break-up, as I've mentioned here, before. We weren't analyzing it, just making jokes like we do, in order to keep things light and not bring ourselves down.

Along comes my sister's Russian neighbour, who lives across the street.

So much for keeping it light.
I can relate to her neighbour, an older gentleman who has a fondness for the ladies, and although I normally can engage him and tolerate his stories, last night was particularly trying, as my sister offered him a beer, which he graciously accepted. When my sister went in to get the beer, he remarked that, although my sister and I look similar, she's the 'diver' and I 'stay on the shore' or something like that. Yeah, because I haven't heard THAT before.
He said, "You need to take RISKS."
I stared at him blankly. Not unkindly, but rather, in disbelief. Yes; I am an introvert to a certain point. No, I don't blithely talk to people I don't know with ease and open-ness. But believe me; recently I have felt like I've risked it ALL.
My sister came back out with the beer.
He then proceeded to enthrall us, at length, with stories about men and women, and matters of the heart, my sister, god bless her, cautioning him before he started in that I've recently fallen on heartbreak; he gave no heed.

On and on he went, until I couldn't take it anymore.

I mean, I DO get it. Despite my numerous failures in relationships, I'm a passionate creature, I care with my whole heart, and I suffer with the whole thing too.

I picked up my purse and my bag, in his mid-sentence, and announced I was going home.
My sister asked me not to go; her neighbour stopped, surprised.
I left.
I went home and cried.
I will file this one under "Setbacks" and leave it alone for now.

Because I DID dive. And there were sharks in the water.
For now, I'm staying on the shore.